I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
