just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
