that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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