He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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