hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize