im drinking this country out of the recession.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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