you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
