At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
