ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
