Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
