Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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