Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
