a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
