he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
