did you get engaged???
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
