Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
