If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
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Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
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I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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