This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
