I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
