last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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