i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
