I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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