I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
operation have a gay friend backfired
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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