Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
