I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
