Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
