I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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