Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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