Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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