Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
