i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
