After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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