No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
