Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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