Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
