I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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