More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?