Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
