I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
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When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis