Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
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she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
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Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?