if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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