girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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