I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
