I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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