sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
