Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
