I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
