If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
