the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
