Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
How external is "for external use only"?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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