if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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