If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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