I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
We are two peas in an std pod
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
