Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
