The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
