The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
