dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
