And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
