Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
