party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
