we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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