Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
