Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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