what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
