I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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