I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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