fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Randomize
