I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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