Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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