So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
