im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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