His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
