dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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