We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
