Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
