Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
