they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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