My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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