We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
