just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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