So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
