im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
