We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
