I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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