dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
