As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
