Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Who died my cat blue again?
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